When you are in a relationship or married, there is a common misconception that you don’t have any love worries over your head. Of course, those of you who are in a relationship or married know this is not true. There are problems in a relationship or marriage nobody tells you anything about since they seem crazy and unreal. But the reality is most people have problems in a relationship, at least one.
Solve them or even talk about them is the hardest. Women are lucky since they usually confide in their female friends and talk through their problems. Men, unfortunately, don’t do that as often. Though, nothing can be solved without a good and honest conversation.
Problems in a relationship and marriage known as ‘communication breakdown’
You’re sitting next to each other, each staring at his/her phone and simply have nothing to say to each other. Truth be told, everyone wants to enjoy a cup of coffee, read a newspaper in comfortable silence along their partner, but… it takes an effort to get there. Communication breakdown is often a result of numerous other problems which at certain point have simply reached their peak. Mostly we are not even willing to listen to our partner or we think that we are saying things in vain since he/she doesn’t appreciate us or cannot understand us. But, sweeping things under the carpet won’t do anything good for us. In fact, it may cause a bigger problem. What you can do is to ask your partner has anything interesting happened to him today or ask him how was at work or ask for his opinion on an issue. Avoid any conversation which begins with the words “Again you didn’t …” or starting a topic you know it will stir emotions, cause rage, tension or running away from the subject. Choose an easy topic to start rebuilding communication.
“You don’t even listen to me!”
Who hasn’t met this problem? Were you a man or a woman, in a marriage or relationship, if you haven’t felt this at least once in your life, consider yourself a lucky person. This problem can trigger huge consequences. If your partner feels you are not listening to him, s/he’ll think you don’t appreciate his/her opinion and that s/he doesn’t matter to you. Try to have more understanding. Perhaps you are not really in the mood to listen to something your partner wishes to tell you, but still, s/he eagerly wants you to tell his/her adventure with a lettuce in store or about exciting contest while waiting for the green light. Remember that your partner has a need to share something with you, something that may be trivial, but still needs to come out of him/her as an (un)interesting story. If you have a bad day and don’t feel like listening to these things, tell him that openly. Talk about that problem and you’ll have more energy to talk about other trivial things too. Besides, life is always taken way too seriously so why should we constantly dig out topics which disturb us? Be honest with your partner and ask him why s/he doesn’t listen to you and try to keep calm while talking things through.
Lack of tenderness
This problem has become almost a taboo topic. Being married or in a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean that unicorns and rainbows pop out everywhere. Perhaps in the beginning. But then comes the time when you simply stop exchanging any sign of affection, lovely words, anything. And, naturally, you miss that. Start first. Physical touch awakens a feeling of safety and being loved. Let this be out of sexual context. Women and men have different needs. While women mostly crave affectionate words and a simple hug, men hardly separate love manifestations from physical touch. In any way, you need to talk about problems and figure out what you miss in your relationship/marriage. You need to understand these differences and try to turn them into your advantages (as a couple). So, get on to work!
Fear of being cheated on
Found in the middle of the mentioned or other problems in a relationship or marriage, certain people feel the fear of being cheated on and that they won’t even see it coming. This problem can rarely be predicted by anyone. Sadly, once it enters your head, anyone but your partner can convince you differently. Perhaps s/he feels the same. Admitting you are scared of such a thing may show your partner that you care. You won’t look pathetic. Letting the other person know how much s/he is needed can only deepen your relationship.
I’m sick of my partner
First of all, we need to set one thing straight. This is perfectly normal, you are normal. Everyone has a period in which they need their own peace and loneliness. It’s normal that you get annoyed by something s/he does. Your partner has those periods too. Watching happy couples doing everything together, from Mediterranean cruise to going to the toilet can easily make you think you are not normal. The only difference is that these people post their nice moments so that everybody could see them and keep bad ones for them. Admit your partner what bothers you, how you’re feeling nervous and that you don’t want to be rude, but you need some lonesome time. Be ready to give that to your partner as well when s/he asks you. Don’t be afraid, nothing is happening. This procedure will help him/her, but will also prevent a fight.
Problems in a relationship or marriage are normal. You didn’t underestimate yourself when you said “yes” or agreed to enter a relationship. Be open about your problems. Try to understand the differences between you and don’t think of them as necessarily bad. In fact, they spice up your relationship preventing you from getting bored. There’s not a doubt you would get bored very soon if everything was perfect. Problems ina relationship and marriage can be caused by anything. The question only remains how much you are willing to pay attention to some things.
Translation: G. Dujmović